It sounds silly if you're not an equestrian. I know that. But I also know every adult amateur reading this understands exactly what I mean, in some capacity or another. 

Sometimes healing looks like a new personal best in physical therapy, and sometimes it looks like putting on breeches for no reason other than reminding yourself who you are.

Six weeks in, I'm grateful.

Grateful that:

• the pain is mostly behind me.
• my range of motion is almost back to "normal."
• recovery is moving in the right direction.

Trying to make the days count, not count the days, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't counting down the weeks. This recovery is long, sixteen weeks from start to what doctors call "full return to sport," with small milestones throughout the process.  

For now, I'll keep showing up to physical therapy. I'll keep cheering Ollie on from the ingate.  I'll keep celebrating the small wins. And I'll keep my eyes on Week 12.

My MRI showed the arthritis clearly, but apparently my shoulder had another secret. Once surgery began, my doctor discovered a SLAP tear that hadn’t appeared on imaging. A SLAP tear is damage to the cartilage at the top of the shoulder socket where the biceps tendon attaches, and it explained a lot of the pain and instability I’d been experiencing.

That discovery meant adding a biceps tenodesis, where the damaged tendon is removed from its original attachment point and secured lower down on the humerus with anchors or screws.

So while I went into surgery expecting one thing, I woke up with a much longer recovery timeline than anticipated. 

Cool cool cool.

I’m halfway through four total weeks in a sling, which feels like a prison sentence designed specifically by someone who has never tried washing their hair one-handed. Every task suddenly becomes either a strategy game or a comedy sketch. Sports bras? Impossible. Cutting food? Suspiciously athletic. Sleeping comfortably? HAHAHAHA.

It’s the mental whiplash of suddenly losing such a huge piece of my identity and routine.

The barn has always been my reset button. No matter what was happening in life—work, stress, anxiety, burnout—the second I walked into the barn and smelled shavings and fly spray, my nervous system exhaled a little. Now there’s just space where that routine used to live. The timing feels especially cruel because Ollie and I were really progressing.

You know those stretches in riding where things finally start clicking? Where communication feels clearer, rides become more consistent and your partnership starts leveling up from “trying” into truly understanding each other? That’s where we were. Not perfect. Not magical movie montage material. But solid, better and connected.

Now I’m sitting on the sidelines watching spring turn into summer while trying not to think too hard about losing a total of about 16 weeks of saddle time. That part stings. Hard.

I know healing is temporary, horses don’t keep score, muscle memory exists and the barn will still be there when I come back. But, I also know that us adult amateurs know something others often don’t: riding time is precious currency. We squeeze it around work schedules, responsibilities, budgets, relationships, exhaustion and *gestures vaguely* life. When it all gets taken away for way longer than expected, it feels enormous.

Right now, a “good day” looks like less pain, successful attempts to wear different shirts—hubby's big long sleeve shirts have been the most comfortable—and maybe not dropping my phone while trying to scroll in bed with one hand, propped up on a pile of pillows because anything close to decent sleep with this sling has been vastly out of reach.

Progress. It comes in all shapes and sizes.

This is just Part One of who knows how many updates I’ll share more as recovery continues, including physical therapy, the mental side of being out of the saddle and eventually the return-to-riding process. 

AUTHOR: Sarah Mahoney, Founder of AdultAmmyStrong

​This recovery series isn't just about my surgery. It's about an experience that many adult amateurs will relate to, whether they're recovering from an injury, navigating burnout or returning after time away from the saddle. AdultAmmyStrong is the platform that exists to tell those stories. ​

Unlike its younger counterparts, this species does not inhabit the barn out of routine or proximity. No, it arrives by choice often after a full day spent navigating offices, obligations and the quiet chaos of adult life. And yet, here it is. Boots in hand. Coffee in tow. Heart already beating a little faster.

Observe closely.

There is a tension to its movements—not fear exactly, but a cautious respect for the thousand-pound partner it approaches. The adult amateur is both brave and aware of its own fragility. It knows the stakes. It has read the headlines, paid the bills, iced the injuries. And still, it swings a leg over into into the saddle.

A study in contradiction.

Watch as it warms up: a flicker of doubt passes through its posture, a question whispered in the language of tight shoulders and careful hands, "am I ready for this?" And yet—it's there. A deep breath. A quiet correction. It asks again. Tries again. There is no effortless confidence here, only something far more interesting.

Earned courage.

Further along the rail, you’ll notice others of its kind. They gather not in competition, but in camaraderie. A nod. A laugh. The exchange of small, sacred phrases:
“That felt better.”
“He’s being a bit strong today.”
“You’ve got this.”

These bonds are not loud, but they are unshakeable. A herd of sorts bound not by dominance, but by shared vulnerability.

Time, for this species, is a peculiar adversary.

It does not have endless hours to train. It steals them. Early mornings when the sky is still bruised with night. Late evenings under arena lights humming like distant stars. It fits riding into the margins of a life already full and treats those margins like gold.

And resilience… ah, yes. Perhaps its most defining trait.

For the adult amateur will fall. It will doubt. It will plateau in maddening, invisible ways. But unlike creatures driven by instinct alone, this one possesses something deeper: intention. It chooses to return. Again and again. To the saddle. To the challenge. To the quiet, stubborn pursuit of better.
And when it gets it right, even for a moment, the transformation is unmistakable.

The shoulders soften. The rhythm locks in. Horse and rider move as one, not through force, but through understanding.

It is fleeting. It is hard-won.

And it is everything.

God made the Adult Amateur…


to love the horse more than the sport.


to obsess over our show hair, whether under a helmet or cowboy hat.
​

to have a mild panic attack every time we see the vet calling.


to have support system from fellow Horse Girls™️ who “get it.” 


to keep trainers on their toes with our sometimes questionable decisions in the saddle.


to work hard so our horses can have a better life.


to ask our farrier, vet and trainer the same 1,001 questions just to get similar feedback.


to overanalyze every lesson and show, only to be better than we were yesterday.


And most importantly…


to live out our adolescent Horse Girl™️ dreams!

The last time you heard anything about my time with Zellie was last August after we won the Marshall & Sterling League Bit O'Straw Hunter Classic at HITS Commonwealth Park​ in Culpeper, Virginia. It was a great show for us as we had secured a class win in the Low Adult Hunters – our first blue ribbon over fences together – and they moved the Bit O'Straw Hunter Classic to the main hunter ring which I thought was AWESOME! An opportunity to ride in the main ring AND in a shadbelly? I'll take it!

We had a lovely first round of the classic. The second round was listed as a handy so I tried to be as smooth and handy as possible. I was impressed with Zellie on how rideable and soft she was. Apparently the judge was too giving us our highest ever score of an 85 and held the lead throughout the second round, securing the overall win!

I was on such a high after this show! Even more so a few weeks later in a Bernie Traurig. He loved Zellie and even rode her in a demo on the second day. She was FABULOUS and I was such a proud adult ammy owner of a young horse!

Fast forward another month and here's where the major adulting comes into play which would screw up the next year of my life. Don't worry, it was nothing horse related, thank goodness.

My husband noticed some soft spots in our master bathroom wall and called someone out to take a look at it. The culprit? The pipe/drain from our master shower had come completely detached from the house and was dumping all the water into our crawlspace. Great.

We made an insurance claim and had the pipe fixed. FYI if you don't know, homeowners insurance, at least our policy, does not cover the pipes, we had to come out of pocket for that fix. Anyway. Insurance scheduled a remediation company (name withheld for reason) to come out to deal with the standing water in the crawlspace and take a look at how extensive the damage was. 

Luckily we have a second bedroom we could sleep in as they demoed the bathroom and into the master bedroom. A tarp door was put up to help mitigate the noise from the dehumidifiers that were running nonstop. About a month into this, the damage was found to be so extensive that we had to get a field insurance adjuster to come out to evaluate. 

Turns out our ENITRE subfloor and about 2 ft of the bottom of the drywall throughout the house was compromised. We had to schedule moving out ALL of our household goods and find a place to live in the interim while remediation, demo and reconstruction was done. Insurance wanted to put us in a hotel and we said absolutely not with our three dogs. Especially not knowing how long we'd be there. We ended up in an Airbnb with a backyard for the dogs.

We had issue after issue with both the insurance company – our first agent was terrible at her job and I ended up screaming at her, not my finest moment, but it got the point across to her and her supervisors so much so that they assigned us a new agent – and the remediation/reconstruction company. Without getting into too much detail, they walked off the job then slammed us with a bill of "work" that was "completed." 

The work they claimed was complete was done so in a half-ass manner and in no way acceptable to how the home was pre-loss. It took MONTHS of negotiations before we settled with them for an amount a fraction of the initial bill all while the house sat empty and in complete disarray.  Then, it took about a month to find another contractor willing to complete the work.  

All this time, Zellie had been listed for sale so I was dealing with those emotions. 

All in all we spent SEVEN MONTHS IN THE AIRBNB from November 2023-May 2024. The house is still a little bit of a work in progress, but at least we're back in our own home. Shortly after moving back into our house, Zellie found an amazing new home local to us so we will still see her at  the Virginia/North Carolina/Maryland shows.

Equijet handled the transport logistics and they were wonderful. From right after purchase and his journey to Liege, Belgium to board his flight to JFK, through the quarantine process and shipping him to Steadfast Farm , my Equijet agent Neva was very communicative and answered all my questions.

​He was supposed to fly on Sunday, July 28. That flight was delayed to late Monday and that flight was delayed to Tuesday evening.  Each update from Neva about the travel delays, while unfortunate, was timely and descriptive. 

Ollie finally boarded the plane around 11 p.m. local time in Liege on Tuesday July 30 and made it to JFK and into USDA quarantine early morning EST Wednesday, July 31. 

Per a USEF email sent to membership June 6, 2024:

In 2021, the USEF Board of Directors approved a rule change that allows members from certain breeds and disciplines to accept modest remuneration for activities including teaching beginner riding lessons or serving as a social media brand ambassador or social media influencer without jeopardizing their amateur status. Currently, the portion of the rule that deals with teaching beginner riding lessons applies only to the Arabian, American Saddlebred, Andalusian/Lusitano, Morgan, National Show Horse, Paso Fino, Saddle Seat Equitation, and Western Divisions.

On May 21, 2024, US Equestrian received a request from the USHJA Board of Directors to include the Hunter, Jumper, and Hunter/Jumping Seat Equitation Divisions in the list of breeds and disciplines that allow amateurs to teach beginner riding lessons, subject to certain conditions, without jeopardizing their amateur status.

Additionally, USHJA requested that hunter, jumper, and equitation amateurs who are attending an accredited educational institution and serving in an internship position for course credit or as a result of course requirements be allowed to accept a stipend (at a rate that does not exceed the Federal minimum wage) and/or expense reimbursement during the period of their internship without compromising their amateur status.

As a result of USHJA’s request, US Equestrian has issued a Presidential Modification to GR1306.2.b. and GR1306.3.d.i (click here) adding the Hunter, Jumper, and Hunter/Jumping Seat Equitation to the divisions allowing these teaching and college internship activities. This Presidential Modification becomes effective with the start of the 2025 competition year. A standard rule change will be entered into the system for 2025 that will amend the rule accordingly within the rule book.

Presidential Modification Details
Starting December 1, 2024, in addition to the other permissible activities, amateurs in the Hunter, Jumper, and Hunter/Jumping Seat Equitation divisions may accept remuneration for teaching riding lessons under the following conditions:
a. The amateur must register with USEF prior to performing any instruction.
b. Total lesson time cannot exceed 20 hours per calendar week.
c. Lessons must be given under the oversight of a USEF Competing Member in good standing who is designated as a Professional.
d. Lessons cannot be conducted at a competition, including Federation Licensed Competitions and non-licensed competitions.
e. Student must be a beginner who has not competed and is not competing at any level of competition, and lessons must not exceed the basic beginner level.
f. Teacher must maintain a log of all lessons. Log must include lesson date, lesson time, and name of student.
g. A USEF Competition Member designated as a Professional must review the teacher’s log and verify its accuracy.
h. The teacher and professional are responsible and accountable for compliance with this rule.
i. USEF may request proof of compliance and refusal to provide such proof constitutes a violation of the rule.
Additionally, an amateur attending an accredited educational institution and who is serving an internship position with that institution may accept a stipend (at or below the Federal minimum wage rate) and/or reimbursement of expenses incurred during the internship. This opportunity is available only to students who have never held professional status with USEF or any other National Federation, and the internship must be related to college credit or course requirements. At the request of USEF, the student must provide certification from the accredited educational institution under the auspices the student is pursuing an internship to verify the internship is undertaken to meet course or degree requirements.

This tee was dreamed up by @oxers2oncology x @adultammystrong, brought to you by the little online store that really loves adult ammies, Left Lead Collective.

This comfy cotton tee features a sassy slogan on the front and silhouette of Sarah Caswell and her horse, Ocelot, on the back accompanied by the #AdultAmmyStrong hashtag.

There's no doubt this is the ultimate tee to show off your amateur pride!

Comes in sizes S-3XL and four colors: black, navy, charcoal and heather black.

After our last show at Loudoun, we decided to incorporate a weekly pro ride and break up my lessons into two a week where we'll focus on jumping in one and flatting in the other.  Zellie has been "easy" and I like to say that she came "pre-installed" with a lot of features. For example, we really didn't have to TEACH the lead change, it comes quite natural to her.  Her brakes are phenomenal and she mostly understands moving off the leg. An amateur's dream.

Now, with all that being said, Zellie is SMART.  Because she's so smart and she came with some features "pre-installed" I expect a lot from her despite her age.  Every ride, no matter if it's a jumping or flat lesson, or just a hack day, I start out with a nice walk warm up and incorporate some lateral work; moving left, moving right, etc. Typically there are no issues so I KNOW SHE KNOWS those aids. Some days it takes some time for her to abide, but there is rarely any disobedience at the walk.

I came across this quote from dressage rider Thomas Ritter and it really hit home after a hard flat lesson on Thursday before my trainer left with some horses to show in Raleigh, North Carolina.

The lesson was hard for both of us. Like I said, at the walk Zellie will move willingly off my leg in both directions. At the trot it gets dicey. We were working on circles and bending. During a circle to the left, I'd put my left leg on and she'd lean against me. I'd add outside (right) leg behind the girth to keep the circle and she'd go left. I get it. She's left handed. But why is it so much different at the trot from the walk?! Not to mention that any forward movement of my body in the saddle will make her suck back behind my leg then everything falls apart even more.  I get super frustrated because I KNOW SHE KNOWS.

To mitigate things, we worked on sitting trot a few steps to help collect her and get her to focus on her body more. It was hard for me because her trot has so much suspension that right now I don't feel super efficient sitting it for too long. *note: it's on the list of things to work on for me*

We definitely butt heads some times. She's a chestnut mare – enough said – and I'm a stubborn Taurus. Frustrations abound on both sides. While I know she knows, I have to work on being more clear and concise. I need to praise her when she does things correctly. I need to correct more accurately. I have to work on keeping my body back, leg on, reins steady and contact solid.

The list for me could go on and on, but Zellie also needs to develop a work ethic. The way we started her under saddle was slow and positive. Rides where short and doing something properly once was praised and rewarded with being done. I'm not at all upset at that as I believe it's best for the young ones. However, with Zellie's smarts and wit, she's learned that was one and done. Not any more baby girl, time to be a big kid! *yes, there are exceptions.

I know not everything will go smoothly and that there will be issues and setbacks. That's horses. With as many frustrations as I have sometimes, we always end our rides on a good note. I have to shake off whatever dissatisfaction I have and give a positive ride.

My last post about showing Zellie at WEC garnered some questions about how she was prepped and a little bit more of our daily routine, so here it goes!

*please do not offer training advice, I am working with very competent trainers and professionals. I'm sharing this because I was asked how I prepped Zellie to show.

We trailered to the show on Tuesday June 14, set up the stalls and ticketed in Grafton Ring 2. We went straight from the stall to the ring with no lunging. We walked into the ring with 10 or so other horses and riders and started flatting. While she was good, I felt she was a quite distracted by the surroundings and since the rings are close to the Route 50 I felt it best to add some ear plugs into the situation.  From then on I felt like I had her attention and we flatted quite nicely.

Zellie is not one to really be affected by the jumps themselves, but I walked her up to the jumps to let her take it all in. We started jumping and there were a few long spots, one flyer, but we were doing quite well. The singles and ins of the lines were set at 2'3" but most of the oxers were larger so for a few of the lines I just jumped the verticals.  One of the outside lines had both fences set at 2'3".

Right now, Zellie has a left bulge when jumping that I'm learning to ride through. As we approached a five-stride outside line set going home off the right lead she would bulge to the left and we'd jump in wonky. I would either have to woah and add or try to make it out on the real step.  Because she's still so green she can be wiggly down the lines which can make it harder for me an amateur to be accurate. A few of the times we attempted the real stride we jumped out L-O-N-G.

We ended on a good note and called it a day. I had a work call at 4 p.m. and thanks to my amazing barn family they helped me untack and bathe her so that I could make my call.

Wednesday morning was the first day of the USHJA 2'3" division. We would have two over fences rounds and the under saddle class.

Horses were fed at 5 a.m. and I got to the barn around 5:30. I cleaned the stall and filled water buckets then took her to lunge. We walked to the other end of the show grounds to lunge and she was nice and calm with no ear plugs.

I had to wait about 10 minutes to get into the lunging area. Zellie got a bit fidgety but was overall very well behaved. As soon as I let her loose on the lunge she bolted, bucked and farted. I praise that kind of behavior as I want to her know that this is the safe place for those kinds of antics. She quickly settled into the lunge session which lasted for a total of 10-15 minutes.

When I got back to the barn I put in her ear plugs and tacked up to hack in the ring. She walked through the showgrounds calmly again and marched into the ring. We had a very nice hack in the ring and I was back in the barn by 7 a.m.

After our hack I bathed her and let her sit in front of the fan to dry before I put her back in her stall. The ring was set to start at 8 a.m. with the USHJA 2'3" division going first. I gave Zellie a tube of Equine Elixers Sudden Comfort and let her chill in her stall until it was time to tack up. I was in the 5th rotation with a scheduled 30 horses to see. The ring started out S-L-O-W so I figured I'd be going later than anticipated. With five horses scratching they started calling for me to get to the ring ASAP. I hate that rushed feeling, but I was given plenty of time to warm up before heading into the ring.

Our over fences rounds weren't great. We had a some chips and long spots along with one missed lead change and a few times where I felt she was paying more attention to things outside the ring than to me. Could I have ridden better? Absolutely. So I was a bit disappointed in myself, but overall I was happy with her.

I dismounted and got ready for the under saddle class. This was one of the largest flat classes she's been in but handled it with grace. I was very happy with our ride. It was consistent and flowy. Something was wrong with the PA system and at certain parts in the ring we could not hear the announcers calls to change gait. The entire class kept looking around to see what the others were doing. When the class was called to line up in the center of the ring, we could still not hear the announcer. The judge, from behind us, helped by yelling out the results by back number. There were some very nice horses in the division and to my surprise we were SECOND!

We walked back to the barn, untacked, bathed and grazed for a while. She was poulticed and wrapped for the night, given ulcergard and a kiss good night.

Day two of the division was just one over fences round. The morning started out the same as on Wednesday: lunge, this time without the bolting, bucking and farting, and a hack in the ring. My division was first to start the day again so she was given another tube of Sudden Comfort and we waited for our time to tack up.

This time I watched the ring a bit closer as I knew there would probably be a few more scratches and I didn't want to be rushed. My trainer and I decided to get tacked up a little early and head to the ring to see if we could bump ourselves a few in the order.

She schooled well and I really tried to manage the left bulge. Day two's course started with a right-lead diagonal single going away from the gate on a short approach.  As we cantered up to it, I was thinking about managing the bulge but I could feel her not really paying attention to me so my default was to micro-manage the step and we ended up with a long spot to the first fence. The rest of the trip was ok. We added in each line so I could keep her attention but that back fired a little and she started jumping a little harder. We missed a lead change and counter cantered to an outside line. The last line, a right-lead diagonal coming home was very nice and we got a very smooth, clean change to end the trip.

I made some of the same mistakes on day two as I did on the first day, which annoyed me, but I knew this show would be a learning experience for both of us. I can confidently say that it was overall a very positive experience. We have quite a few things to work on, but that's riding, especially an amateur with a young horse.

I am committed to riding better to provide the best experience for Zellie as we grow together.

The rest of the week started similar to our show days with feeding, stall cleaning and hand walking. Two of the three days I hacked her. Once in the ring and the other day was a long walk around the show grounds. When she had time in her stall I was at the ring watching my barn mates show. It was actually quite nice to be the first rider done and sort of relax the rest of the week. I think Zellie enjoyed it as well!

Zellie will get a few days off then it's back to our regularly scheduled program. We will be adding in some pro rides and separate flat and jumping lessons. I'm not sure if we'll show again this year, but if we do it won't be until the fall.